Singles events, such as mixers or speed dating, can be extremely pressurizing and awkward! I remember one time when we were just about to start our large group ice-breaker when I saw a gentlemen who sat by himself at a table, with his face turned away from everyone else. He was obviously nervous about being there, and likely had no idea how he was going to join a table when everyone else had already settled in and were making conversation. I went up to him, put my hand on his shoulder, and gently invited him to come with me and join a group at another table. When the evening was almost over, I looked over and saw that he was having a good time and sharing a few laughs with his new-found friends at a table. He came again to another event after that, which was especially gratifying for me.
If singles events have a way of wrecking your nerves, read on. I’ll share with you 5 tips that can help you calm your nerves and be successful in making a positive impression at your next singles event.
1. Come with the right attitude.
If your objective for attending a singles event is to find a special someone, you are just raising your chances of being disappointed. At the end of the day, finding your special someone is, in reality, a numbers game. It’s not any different from landing your ideal job. The more resumes you send out that are relevant to your education, skills and experience, the higher your chance of landing an interview, and getting the job. The same goes with finding your special someone – the more you expose yourself to meeting potential mates, the higher your chance of discovering chemistry with the right person. So come with the attitude that you’re here to meet new people and make new friends – and maybe you will meet someone special (not the other way around).
2. Be genuinely interested in others.
Everyone knows it is easy to spot someone who’s faking it. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who appears disinterested in you? Their eyes are not focused on you or your conversation; they fidget; and they respond with one-word answers. How does that make you feel if you are at the receiving end? Now try and recall a time when you were engaged in a deep, interesting conversation with a friend. There is eye contact, undivided attention, and intense listening and responding. Being genuinely interested in learning more about others at an event draws others to you because people are drawn to those who show interest in them. Focusing on learning more about new people around you has another advantage – it helps you take the focus off yourself!
3. Take the focus off yourself.
“Singles experts” often say you should “be yourself” when you attend a singles mixer or speed dating event, but what does that really mean? Trying hard to “be yourself” just makes you focus on yourself, which can make you even more self-conscious and that can be nerve-wrecking! I would suggest the contrary – take the focus off yourself. Don’t try so hard to “be yourself” – just focus on others (see point number 2 above) and focus on having fun! Secret RSVP events are designed to help you take the focus off yourself through the ice-breaker and team-building games we play. When everyone is distracted with games, some competitive in nature while others designed to build camaraderie, the pressure is off to impress. That’s when others will get to have a peek at your true personality, and maybe discover chemistry!
4. Don’t limit your choices.
Like I said, meeting your special someone is often a numbers game. The more people you meet and socialize with, the greater your chance of finding your special someone. Have you ever met a couple who didn’t feel any “chemistry” for each other the first time they laid eyes on each other? I have… lots! Chemistry isn’t always instantaneous. It’s hard to say what makes chemistry happen between two people because our brains are so complex! (By the way, this is why we designed Secret RSVP to allow your personal choice at a live event to influence our live-matching algorithm). Ladies, we often limit our choices too early in the game (a blog post for another day ) and as a result, may miss an opportunity to get to know someone at a deeper level whom we may actually discover chemistry with. Remember, it is very rare to discover “love at first sight”. So at a Secret RSVP event, don’t limit your choices – add as many guests as possible to your secret guestlist, and remember, come with the attitude that you’re here to meet new people and make new friends – then meeting your someone special will be an added bonus.
5. Finally, ditch your friends (if they are coming along).
If you’re bringing your friends along to a singles event, don’t stick together like a flock of birds! You may miss opportunities to meet potential suitors, and worse, those interested in you may be intimidated about having to penetrate your tight-knit group. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of time to compare notes after the event. Mix and mingle – again, remember the objective of attending a singles mixer or a speed dating event – yes, to make new friends!
A successful experience at a singles event really starts with you. The reality is, not everyone is going to find you attractive, no matter what you do. And believe it or not, that is actually a good thing because it saves you time and helps to weed out the ones where there is no potential for romance. Think about how much time you may have wasted with online dating, where there are thousands of profiles to sift through, but you don’t really have a clue if there will be real-life chemistry until you actually meet in-person. And honestly, no one really has the time to meet every potential online beau in-person to determine if there is chemistry. So save yourself time and heartache – get out and meet new people in real life!